tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95978432012-01-09T20:26:28.352-08:00...Not a candid conversation between people who just met the other night, but my heart unveiled and opened, where honesty hurts and transparency burns.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.comBlogger691100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-26798777764493011852011-10-28T22:22:00.000-07:002011-10-28T22:55:49.351-07:00

I no longer believe that God is solely concerned about our success in trials as I once believed, though success and failure certainly can be used as indicators of where we are in our growth, progress, and maturity. In school I was always so afraid of failing the test. I learned the information for one purpose alone – to pass the test. It did not matter whether I actually agreed with the

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-4780519296851012842011-04-19T13:54:00.000-07:002011-04-19T15:17:41.072-07:00

I do a lot of research. I would consider myself a researcher by nature. I want to know where things come from, whether it's food, medicine, or spiritual matters. Lately, I've been researching current "christian" trends. In doing so, I've stumbled on some alarming information. Though the information itself disturbs me greatly, what I'm completely disgusted by is the way that well-meaning

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-67334825375985497132011-04-07T16:06:00.000-07:002011-04-07T16:14:42.556-07:00

In the Book of Genesis, an event takes place that serves as an example of what is occurring NOW. Genesis 11 recounts the tale of the whole earth being of one language and one speech or expression. At some point, they determined to build a city with a tower that reached to heaven, in order to "make a name for themselves." During this building process, Yahweh came down to see the city and the

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-337680670682883722011-03-25T05:52:00.000-07:002011-03-25T13:11:22.958-07:00

When I first heard someone preach about the passage in John 4, where Jesus tells the woman at the well that "the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, for the Father seeks such to worship Him," I was a bewildered 19yr old. I had never heard that passage before, and for a very long time, I didn't understand what it meant. I would ask people who had knowledge of the Word

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-69817845625810131512011-03-23T10:40:00.000-07:002011-03-23T23:45:52.922-07:00

The other night I had a dream that I feel is important enough to publish in a public space. It was not a long dream. It was, however, a warning...and a challenge. In the dream, I was at a rally for the Unborn. I was with friends that I loved well; one of the girls I thought I knew. I did not realize it was really her IDENTICAL TWIN. I thought that I was fighting FOR the Unborn, until I realized

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-77864951693560464622011-03-15T12:17:00.000-07:002011-03-15T14:00:08.391-07:00

The videos capturing the surge of water that carried life away on Saturday in Japan left an indelible mark upon my heart. A group of us gathered on Sunday at a monthly meeting called Worship at the River in Troutdale, OR in a sweet little wedding venue at the edge of town. During the meeting, we got the opportunity to pray for Japan...and her people, being blessed with the presence of a Japanese

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-18490322212860130192011-03-05T08:42:00.000-08:002011-03-05T09:17:27.247-08:00

The nations are raging, seething in their anger against the Lord and against His Christ. They have determined to rebel against every godly restraint, reveling and taking pleasure in every form of wickedness and abominable act. If there is something the Lord loves and takes pleasure in, this people will do all that they can to ensure it's defilement or destruction. Beloved, we can be assured that

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-46001297640308459022010-09-07T21:46:00.000-07:002010-09-07T21:50:26.632-07:00

After being away from the blogging world for several years, I was recently reminded by a friend that this world was still in existance. When times get hoary, I lose my desire to write. The pressure seems so great sometimes that I have no language to describe my internal emotions, however strong they may be. So, I shut off and save my breath, waiting for a time when I finally have something to

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-85900519951913187542009-04-29T19:29:00.000-07:002009-04-29T23:25:41.712-07:00

In Matthew 6, Jesus admonishes his disciples to not be like "the hypocrites" when they pray. The hypocrites love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, in order to be seen by people. Instead, Jesus tells us to enter into the most private room and commune with the Father in secret, because He IS in secret. Furthemore, we are told that when we pray we should not

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-81456613622439864632009-04-27T13:56:00.000-07:002009-04-27T14:03:44.972-07:00

Oh Lord, before we even thought upon You, You set Your love upon us. We are all so much like children who don't even understand our need. We have so many desires raging within us and these desires change from day to day, but needs never change. We need food, we need water, we need shelter, we need clothing, we need light but these are only natural needs. Of all our internal needs, our most

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-89685970526318281412009-04-17T18:36:00.000-07:002009-04-17T18:51:40.858-07:00

Would you like Beauty 4 Ashes? The Oil O' Joy 4 Mourning? The Garment O' Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness? Double Honor 4 Shame? Then come on down to Sufferings R Us and take part in a great transfer of wealth. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Hungry and Thirsty eat and drink free. Are you tired a lugging round that Bag O' Pain? Your heart heavier than a pile of cow pie on a rainy day

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-54520536655834671082008-12-23T12:11:00.000-08:002008-12-23T12:47:52.378-08:00

More than a year ago, I moved out of my parent's house, thinking that the Lord desired to give me a new direction, and take me on a new adventure. During that month, I stayed at a dear friend's house and met an amazing couple from Switzerland that I absolutely fell in love with and still maintain fellowship with, though they are halfway around the world. After that month was up, I got sick again

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-80629834919716469652008-05-04T13:49:00.000-07:002008-05-04T14:55:31.589-07:00

I seem to ask this question often for its answer has the power to lift my spirit and draw me out of my depression. It steadies my gaze and quiets my emotions when they are extreme in their expression - which they are often. There is much to be thankful for. The Father is touching the multitudes in Florida bringing much needed and desired healing to the ones that He loves while they just love

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-61472489559116960972008-02-18T13:24:00.000-08:002008-02-18T22:10:07.069-08:00

There seems to be a blindness of character, a subtle disconnect that I am unaware of as I walk through life and converse with different people. Those who know me outside of my home would say of me that I am sweet and beautiful, passionate and spiritual. However, they are unaware of me. They do not know me intimately. They don't see me behind closed doors. It pains me beyond measure that I am

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-76910265488129353302008-02-13T17:56:00.000-08:002008-02-13T18:48:55.090-08:00

God is not boring. I am. God is not broken. I am. God is not powerless. I am. God never walks away. I do. Love never fails. I do. God's love is constant as the morning. Mine shifts with the shadows. God's thoughts toward me are full of good. I don't believe Him. God is fully engaged with me. I continually glance away. God desires to nourish me and provide for me feeding me off the fat of

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-44723243445416167152008-02-06T18:30:00.000-08:002008-02-06T18:28:26.909-08:00

In front of the army is a man, sweaty and bloody but standing. With standard in hand, he runs, dodging bullets and fiery darts. Pulse racing, adrenaline pumping, he continues, tempted many times to drop the standard and retreat. But, something keeps him moving forward. Some unseen power sustains and bears him up even while he bears the standard. He knows that if he should fall, someone else

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-83893587832510829072008-01-30T21:16:00.000-08:002008-01-30T21:34:56.197-08:00

I stood astonished as before me lay caricatures of my former self etched with expert precision in the walls of stone. This was curious as I was sure I was traversing this landscape alone. As I walked along this stony corridor and gazed intently at each image, I noticed something equally disturbing. There were no two images exactly alike, but each had some flawed line exaggerated for effect and

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-56751012372968683722008-01-06T15:06:00.000-08:002008-01-06T20:08:57.852-08:00

The children of Israel, also termed, Hebrews have been delivered from the grip of Pharaoh, king of Egypt, by Yahweh, the Living God, through a Hebrew man named Moses, who had come out(run away)from Egypt into the land of Midian after Pharaoh sought to take Moses life when he had discovered that Moses had killed and hidden the body of an Egyptian man who he had found striking a Hebrew slave.

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-21552889784074152412008-01-01T22:09:00.000-08:002008-01-01T22:30:14.061-08:00

He's not looking for reputationHe's not looking for distinctionHe's not looking for a man with shoulders above the restHe's not looking for the wisest oneHe's not looking for the strongest oneHe's not looking for the one who speaks the bestHe's looking for a man after His own heartLooking for the man who cares about the things He cares aboutOh Samuel, Samuel, the word of the Lord is rareCome give

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-79709285511612781672007-12-01T21:36:00.000-08:002008-01-01T22:38:18.692-08:00

In the not too distant past I was a child. I spoke as a child, thought like a child, and dreamed like a child. What did I dream about? My night time dreams were plagued with darkness; men chasing me with guns, possessed grade schools, and dying people. In the day, I dreamed about becoming a teacher, a missionary, a singer, a model. I always wanted to be noticed and cared for, to be loved and

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-81802602859372549942007-11-24T17:51:00.000-08:002008-01-01T22:41:33.485-08:00

Yesterday was Black Friday. The day of all days to be out shopping. I awoke that day to my brother, Joel, screaming at the top of his lungs over the death of his video game character. That was certainly not a rare occurance. Later that morning, Joel told me that Andy(youngest brother) woke at 4AM to be at the mall by 5 in order to possibly get a free MP3 player from Old Navy...He also was due

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-84288659937948425372007-11-18T18:47:00.000-08:002007-11-18T18:55:24.350-08:00

I looked for love but I did not find it. I waited for love to pursue me, but it never came. My heart ached and groaned for fellowship and companionship, but all I obtained was an aching heart and a near-empty address book. In the night I cried for Love, hoping He would rush in at the sound of my voice in a blaze of light and encounter my heart sweeping me into the romance I had always longed

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-78343241903661898882007-11-11T15:59:00.000-08:002007-11-24T17:59:31.706-08:00

Beauty rises from out of the ashes Joy comes after the long sigh The wind on my face is a sign of my freedom Love in my eyes is proof You're alive

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-54026000189985630482007-11-07T19:11:00.000-08:002007-11-24T18:03:45.927-08:00

This week has been challenging. Relationships generally are when two people are struggling to understand one another. Cultural barriers just increase the difficulty. Without going into too much detail, I realized something about myself. Apparently, I'm confusing, and my roller coaster of emotions just seems to aggravate the issue even further, adding additional pressure on all those involved

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-83221788527284074242007-10-04T04:34:00.000-07:002007-10-04T05:46:54.615-07:00

Being brave does not mean acting without fear. It means that in spite of fear, you act. If fear or apprehension was not felt, the action would not be considered brave. There is always a sort of apprehension that accompanies acting rightly, for it goes against what is natural, which is self-preservation. When responding rightly, in the fear of the Lord, holds more weight than the fear of

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-79871390381182348602007-09-08T23:14:00.000-07:002007-09-09T00:19:23.173-07:00

Through the mouths of God's friends are the thoughts and intents of God's heart revealed to His people; those who have set themselves to stand in His counsel in order to be a voice that speaks His messages with clarity to a people needing to hear. The prophets of old were just such friends. They bore the weight of the burden of the Lord amongst a people who tired of hearing the Lords words not

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-9512778422603527362007-07-10T08:41:00.000-07:002007-07-10T08:45:57.147-07:00

I come back again today and declare that God is great and I do not know Him. God is great and I do not know Him. God is light and I don't understand Him. God is love and I misrepresent Him. To do such a thing is a tragedy that has it's roots in respectability. There is a perceived safety in standing at a distance from Him, for to draw near would cost me something. To know His heart would

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-71603255152641726762007-06-27T16:55:00.000-07:002007-06-27T16:58:35.142-07:00

I feel like I'm on the edge of crossing the invisible line that I've been so afraid to cross. I am not ready to bear reproach. I am not ready to be hated and persecuted….but then He never asks me if I'm ready… but only if I'm willing… I see us all on a hill with Jesus as He is teaching us about the power and necessity of eating His flesh and drinking His blood…yea, more than necessity…it is

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-65159023569200162712007-04-25T10:43:00.000-07:002007-04-25T13:40:48.957-07:00

I very rarely prophesy on my blog...probably because it seems a fearful thing to speak on behalf of the only Wise God, who alone is Holy and Sovereign... Yet, this is a season in which I cannot help but speak because it is so precious.The voice of the Bridegroom is calling out to His Bride. He is drawing her. He is wooing her. He is alluring her. There has been an unmistakeable increase in

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-69221901777322177872007-03-21T19:23:00.000-07:002007-03-21T20:48:44.038-07:00

Six years in prison...Six years in darkness...Six years in the valley...Six years of desert wanderings...Six years hoping and praying for light to come shatter my darkness...Six years of unsteady glances...Six years of unfulfilled hopes...Six years of watching each one receive their proper burial...How could I know that as each seed lay buried beneath the dark earth, some day they would receive

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-52221098465036406252007-03-15T16:06:00.001-07:002007-03-15T16:10:04.926-07:00

This is not a candid conversation Between people who just met the night before This is my heart unveiled and open Where honesty hurts and transparency burns This can’t be a trivial persuasion Thinking Love is worth my time and my desire To know and understand the thoughts of my Father Who carries and bears us all in His heart Expose me until I’m safe because I’m known Unveil me till this is

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-65927692790435322252007-03-07T19:59:00.000-08:002007-03-07T21:42:33.837-08:00

O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you - If you find my Lover, what will you tell Him? Tell Him I am faint with love.... How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women? How is your beloved better than others, that you charge us so? Listen O daughters, incine your ears, consider what I say and give attention to it. My Beloved is WHITE In one phrase, the excellency of Christ

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-42217772344727882842007-02-13T12:55:00.000-08:002007-02-14T10:30:22.655-08:00

The days where my weak love is felt the most keenly is when the week, busied with all the “have to do’s”, have buried and wearied me till only my eyes are visible above the muck and even they are heavy and teary eyed in their longing for sleep. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good night’s rest – a full night. There is a saying that we will sleep when we’re dead…. I despise that saying…

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1163821132574684022006-11-17T18:58:00.000-08:002006-11-28T23:20:52.833-08:00

I'm gazing at the cross now And I don't understand now How One of such perfection Could bear all this rejection To be treated as a criminal When innocent is what You were To be hated and despised by those Who should rightly love You If You had come on a horse instead of a lowly donkey If You were born to a queen instead of a humble virgin If You had worn royal robes instead of the towel of a

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1162341633301558112006-10-31T12:41:00.000-08:002006-10-31T16:40:33.413-08:00

Suddenly I had lost all sense of direction and I was scared. By all appearances, I had been left to myself, and I couldn’t distinguish my surroundings. I felt as though I had been cast into a pit, left without hope of deliverance, though distant memories of an ever watchful Gazer flittered through my consciousness, demanding my attention and answers to questions that would have surely accused

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1161050464030166012006-10-16T18:45:00.000-07:002006-10-16T21:11:02.176-07:00

Beauty finds a place to rest In the heart that learns to love the best His arms reach down to embrace my frailty I look up and comprehend my safety Extravagent devotion mirrored in simple gestures Cold cups given to fainting prisoners Divinity’s scars minister substance and worth Through hands never wounded by nails When I say that Beauty finds a place to rest in the heart that learns to love

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1160588320178842102006-10-11T10:20:00.000-07:002006-10-11T12:54:47.203-07:00

I am surrounded by brokenness. Broken dreams. Broken hearts. Broken lives. I had a dream the other night where a man began to speak to me about brokenness. In this dream, I was aching for closeness with my father. I felt distant and broken by rejection and did not feel accepted or loved by the ones that should be closest to me. I was lamenting that I'll never truly be able to know the love

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1159206993000348962006-09-25T10:29:00.000-07:002006-09-27T11:15:31.110-07:00

My whole life has been nothing but me walking in the rain with an umbrella over my head, for fear of getting wet. I never understood that the walls and the defenses I built up around me in an attempt to protect myself from the words that stung and the looks that wounded, also served as a barrier against love and acceptance. Thus, I could not know the transforming power of the Spirit of Adoption.

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1158789623733396622006-09-20T14:32:00.000-07:002006-09-21T13:27:23.603-07:00

There is a stirring and a crying within for fire to be in and upon the heart of this lover. There is no more time to go about living as I once have. I must have reality and I must have it now. The fire that I'm crying for is the baptism of love; to be consumed by it's vehement flames to the uttermost. Why the baptism of love? 1. Though I would speak words with the capacity to move men's hearts,

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1148946193549259602006-05-29T16:31:00.000-07:002006-05-29T17:01:16.016-07:00

Days have passed into weeks. Your voice is missed. Your eye is guiding. The sense of guilt fills my heart when rest is my command. Your silence seems to beckon me to your side. To sit. To gaze. Should I not be doing something? Warring in the utmost heights of the atmosphere, my screams penetrating the 2nd and 3rd heavens? What about the babies? What about the slavery? What about the death of the

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1127963572874488752005-09-28T04:30:00.000-07:002005-09-28T20:16:21.220-07:00

It's now 4:30am...and I'm wrestling... I guess the peace did not last long, but when the heart of God is saying something, who can but hear it? And who can but be impacted in the core of their being by it? And these are the questions He's asking me. "Is it not reasonable for a husband to jealously desire the love of his wife? Is it not reasonable that she should seek to remain unspotted for

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1127878894767041222005-09-27T20:35:00.000-07:002005-09-27T20:41:34.776-07:00

Today has been a strange day. My soul has been at complete rest. At one point today, I was walking toward the front desk at work, when I realized that for the first time in a long time, my body felt completely restful... all was peaceful within. There was not one thing that moved me. I was completely happy and completely tranquil and the thought that came to me was, 'This is what it must feel

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1127794534659382192005-09-26T21:12:00.000-07:002005-09-26T21:19:15.910-07:00

The emotions of my soul are arising once again and I sit aching for Eternity's King to breathe upon me. Only His breath can awaken my dull spirit. Only His voice can call into being those things which are not. I just don't have enough of Him. The oil I have in my lamp is only enough for one day of light. Where is my store? Have I given it all away? Some say that gaining oil is doing the

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1127624094982759972005-09-24T20:26:00.000-07:002005-09-27T20:57:05.296-07:00

Everyone thinks that I'm so deep. Everyone thinks I'm so spiritual/religious. What if they knew about all the things that trip me up? What if, one day, I was exposed for the person I really am? It still probably wouldn't faze them all that much, but it devastates me. Everyday I am allowed to see something about myself that keeps me low...keeps me dependent. Today, as strange as it seems, I've

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1127452451651342542005-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:002005-09-27T20:59:50.856-07:00

It's been a few days since I got back from Mississippi where a group of us "layed siege" to an abortion clinic for 5 days through silence and prayer. We cried out to God through our silence to raise up a culture of life in this nation by bringing an end to this holocaust of death called abortion. Before I went on this trip, I was in a state of weeping. The week was difficult and truly beautiful

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1125033163340187422005-08-25T21:45:00.000-07:002005-08-25T22:18:43.816-07:00

What is this moisture on my face? Why does my heart feel as though it will suddenly shatter into a million peices? Why do I suddenly wish that my eyes were a fountain; an ever flowing stream; a violent river? For the last two weeks, brokenness and anguish of soul have been my food and a weeping heart, no longer distant from the desire of the Father's heart, has been my drink. It is upon these

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1123824952655460482005-08-11T21:45:00.000-07:002005-08-11T22:36:51.643-07:00

This is what the Father asked me the other day as I cried to Him about all those that are slaves.. Their master being sin. He knows what is facing us in the West. He knows that we are enslaved to the lust of our flesh. He knows and He grieves and weeps over our chains, because we are willingly slaves to it. We have grown to love our chains...these chains of materialism and consumerism... these

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1123821715320370712005-08-11T21:22:00.000-07:002005-08-11T22:40:49.543-07:00

I've settled down into my thinking chair... Only a few moments have passed and already my heart if moving. I can't explain it but I sense the longing and the ache arising. I'm just typing whatever comes and sometimes it is nonsense and sometimes it is something worth thinking about...thus the purpose of the thinking chair. To sit in one place for a period of time without having a plan and without

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1121146929517621612005-07-11T21:59:00.000-07:002005-07-18T11:54:04.893-07:00

I really should go to bed, but I've been waiting all day to just sit and let my thoughts take me to Jesus...so here I am Jesus... It's just You and me...What is in Your heart to say? So I sit and I wait... What am I waiting for? I wait for the presence of Jesus upon my heart...for His divine kisses to awaken my soul to His divine longing and the sighings of His heart. I love you, Jesus... I

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1121144071469321622005-07-03T21:44:00.000-07:002005-07-11T21:58:53.216-07:00

The last few days have been so sweet and also kind of painful. I have felt the presence of His love and a deeper sense of something else...the desire for more of Him with no care to the cost of it. For the last few months, I have felt Him guiding me into living a more simple life...an uncluttered life... a non-consuming life. Everytime I go out to make a purchase my thoughts turn to higher things

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1118804840162892872005-06-14T19:54:00.000-07:002005-06-14T20:07:20.170-07:00

Is anything too hard for You? Oh, it’s another question... My others remain unanswered, but these mysteries simply put my heart in a place of fascination. Just asking them causes me to lift my wavering, yet sincere gaze to the uncreated God and just shake my head in complete and utter wonder at His divine perfection. The way that He leads causes my heart to desire to follow more perfectly, more

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1118196019857233322005-06-07T18:15:00.000-07:002005-06-07T19:00:19.863-07:00

I'm sitting here and my spirit is churning and my heart is in deep thought. I, again, find myself in the midst of a wrestling match, with God's divine perfection on one side and me on the other. On the way home today, I heard a song that was really impacting...because it spoke directly to something I've been struggling with in God. The idea that God is perfect in all of His ways and therefore

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1117080299407159122005-05-25T20:42:00.000-07:002005-05-26T19:56:23.610-07:00

Rest has been the No. 1 issue that has been invading my every waking and sleeping moment. The desire to stop striving to get somewhere or to be something or to accomplish anything has become the cry of my heart. To live out of a place of love and not from a place of "this is expected of me, therefore, I must do it." This desire was awakened but a few weeks ago and it already is making an inroad

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1116566085809834712005-05-19T20:57:00.000-07:002005-05-19T22:14:45.813-07:00

Over the past week I've been really thinking about this and also living this out more in a warfare type of mentality. During The 48 @ Sylvan Hills, Lydia said something that struck me so profoundly that I have found myself dwelling on it ever since. It was the last night of the 48 and it was during the team meeting. She began praying about seeing things through the eyes of the flesh rather

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1114573116778049492005-04-26T20:03:00.000-07:002005-04-26T21:15:30.216-07:00

This was my first outing since being a cave-dweller, and I was scared to be there. I have been in my cave for a few months now and did not really want to come out, but I kept hearing that it was time to come out, so I was obedient. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, and as I came with no expectations except to somehow be able to hear the voice of the Father and be able to communicate what I

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1113801740904546012005-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:002005-04-17T22:22:20.906-07:00

There is a city not made with hands waiting and anticipating my arrival. This city’s maker and builder is God. I think I have been searching for this city my whole life and did not know it. Eternity’s King has been whispering my name since He formed me in the silence of the womb and I was not aware of it, though He has always been aware of me...His constant gaze has been fixed upon me, wooing me

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1113801100825804152005-04-08T20:30:00.000-07:002005-04-17T22:11:40.826-07:00

Eternity is my home, but it is but a faint whisper in my heart. The reality of it is more like a wonderful dream that I’ve awakened from only to find that it was indeed a dream that I can never again return to. Its’ mark of beauty upon my heart is almost indiscernable, though I feel dim stirrings and feeble movements toward it. This is my season of love and eternity must make it’s home in me and

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1112410203839200482005-04-01T18:45:00.000-08:002005-04-01T18:50:03.840-08:00

Oh, how these feeble eyes of faith must find a place to be awakened, a place where they can peer behind this veil of flesh and see things from a different view. The view is so much better from the other side. There is eye salve waiting if you want it. There is water, quickened by the very virtues of Christ, waiting to quench the thirsty ones. There is living bread waiting to fill and nourish the

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1107745938140987112005-02-06T17:50:00.000-08:002005-02-06T19:12:18.140-08:00

What is faith? The is the one subject I seem stuck on... I can't shake it, and don't want to. I constantly mull it over in my mind. Faith is substance...Faith is evidence... The substance of what? Of things hoped for... The evidence of what? The invisible, the unseen. I've been reading the stories of the father of faith, Abraham, and he seemed just like the rest of us. He was full of

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1106005737120686862005-01-17T13:43:00.000-08:002005-01-17T15:48:57.120-08:00

Why does it seem that I'm constantly on the edge of faith and doubt? Why can't my heart just stay consistently in faith? I feel like I'm in this wrestling match and my flesh wants to just give itself over into perpetual doubt while my spirit is screaming out, "NO, He's good. He's faithful. Trust Him. He will not put you to shame. He WILL save." So, I'm in a continual battle, a war without a

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1105736255565667722005-01-14T13:07:00.000-08:002005-01-14T12:57:35.566-08:00

I'm at work and I've decided to take a break... Things have been super busy and I'm tired of working so hard. This grindstone really does have the ability to grind you till there's not much left to grind.....so break-time...wind down...Time to remind myself that I am loved and I'm a lover. Not even the hardest day or the busiest schedule can take that precious reality and truth away from me...

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1105656333704957872005-01-13T14:23:00.000-08:002005-01-13T14:45:33.703-08:00

These past few days has been nothing but drama... Sometimes this week I've thought I was losing my mind...and the week has yet to be over. I know that I've been losing everything else: my keys, my ring, my pens, pencils, and paper, my hair comb, confidential work agreements, directions to work sites, phone numbers, e-mail addresses, the title to my car, and a whole box of tube caps...I actually

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1104259885860552342004-12-28T10:09:00.000-08:002004-12-28T10:51:25.860-08:00

It's strange, but only today did I realize that my heart has been kind of spilling out negativity toward my mom and dad. I really don't mean to, so today is the day when my heart will overflow with something other than that. I love my parents. I think their the greatest. Their love for God and desire to see the body of Christ come to full intimacy and bridal love with their heavenly

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1103836385099552502004-12-23T13:49:00.000-08:002004-12-23T13:13:05.100-08:00

Crazy day!!! I went last night and had that blood test done and found out that I'm nice and wacky inside. It seems like no matter how good I eat or how much I try to take care of myself physically, it's just not enough. So, the docter that I saw prescribed a few things (no medication, he's not that kind of docter)...plenty of rest, exercise, minerals, enzymes...basically all the stuff I'm

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1103762797678778702004-12-22T16:29:00.000-08:002004-12-22T16:46:37.676-08:00

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, so here goes. I'm at work counting down the minutes before I'm off. It's been a busy day...so busy I'm only now taking my lunch break. At 5:00, I'm going to the doctor's to have my blood examined. I get to see it under a microscope magnified at like 900%. I'm not sure what to expect. Will it be dirty? Will it be doing what it's supposed to be

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1103155335644987912004-12-15T16:00:00.000-08:002004-12-15T16:02:15.643-08:00

My road is dark before me and the only light I have I carry within.

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1103142241599630002004-12-15T15:50:00.000-08:002004-12-15T16:00:46.863-08:00

For the past two days, I've been in this wierd emotional wackiness. Everything seems to be affecting me... It's not bad because my heart is feeling especially tender, but I wonder why. What's the Father doing? Where's He taking me? And why is it that when you enter an especially deep place, a special moment between your heart and the Holy Spirit, there's always something that comes up that

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1103008444729484662004-12-13T22:48:00.000-08:002004-12-13T23:14:04.730-08:00

This day seemed to just be such an emotional day for some reason. I have had a heck of a day. My car overheated yesterday, so I had to take it in to get it fixed after work today. I had to use my mom's car to go to work. On the way, I was listening to the Illuminate CD from David Crowder... I had never heard it before, but after that, I was ruined for the rest of the day. On the way home,

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9597843.post-1102974070382975462004-12-13T13:33:00.000-08:002004-12-13T13:41:10.383-08:00

Lately I've been in this place of knowing that there's more, but feeling unable to reach or attain it...usually because my heart seems busied by everything and the voices are too loud. I NEED SILENCE!!! The silence that allows all my innermost desires to surface. The silence that breaks through the noise (that's an interesting thought). The silence that allows my soul to reach out, to grab a

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03179973029897433434noreply@blogger.com2