Not What We Thought

I looked for love but I did not find it. I waited for love to pursue me, but it never came. My heart ached and groaned for fellowship and companionship, but all I obtained was an aching heart and a near-empty address book. In the night I cried for Love, hoping He would rush in at the sound of my voice in a blaze of light and encounter my heart sweeping me into the romance I had always longed for. Instead, the morning found me with a pillow stained with tears and a mind etched with the memory of a brass heaven and a distant God. I waited for someone to show me the way to find Love, but there were none who knew the way, so hungry I remained...and disappointment filled me.

At every turn, rejection was my experience... And at every turn, I rushed to construct a new wall. I closed my heart off so no one could reach me, and I convinced myself that I couldn't be loved...and because no one tried it was not so hard to believe. I often remember all my teary-eyed nights being rooted in self-hatred and jealousy (for I had a sister, who was the complete opposite of me) Self- pity was my closest companion. I remember so many nights when I would ask God why He had made me this way. I could not see beauty in myself at all, and no matter how much I tried to gain the acceptance of those around me, it would always backfire, and I would be left standing in the midst of a laughing crowd being the object of their derision. I remember walking through the halls of my Junior High always in fear. If I heard someone laughing, surely they were laughing at me. I felt as though I was the center of everyone's joke, and I could never bring myself to meet anyone's eyes. What made matters worse was that I grew up with a a severe stutter that turned me even more inward, making me even more afraid of people and things.

Why do I share this? Because understanding the level of brokenness I've journeyed through can help you understand and appreciate this gushing forth of gratitude from this captivated heart.

In the fullness of time, the Perfection of Beauty shined forth, veiled in the garments of a man... His coming was not heralded to the high and lofty ones of His day, but to the lowly and rejected of men. A woman of high social standing was not chosen to bear the seed of the Holy One, but a meek and lowly virgin. For 30 years, this Man performed no miracles, no outward displays of power. He simply walked the earth and observed the broken...In the last 3 ½ years of this Man's life, He fellowshipped with zealots, publicans, and harlots, and walked among the sick in body and broken in spirit, becoming their Physician. He healed the leprous, gave sight to the blind, opened the ears of the deaf, and gave a voice to the mute. He multiplied loaves and fishes to feed the hungry crowds that followed Him for days into the wilderness. He called out to the rejected and placed value and worth upon the forgotten. He spoke in stories and parables that required a searching heart to understand. He delivered the demoniacs and freed the prisoners. He played with the children and returned dignity to women. A bruised reed He did not break, and a smoldering flax He did not quench. He brought down the high places and exalted the low places, making the way straight and gate reachable by the weak and the humble of this world. He challenged and offended the religious minded and astonished the natives. He never exalted Himself but hid His glory from the eyes of men.

He was not lovely to look at, thereby giving us no reason to desire Him. People took advantage of Him, rejected Him, cursed Him, and accused Him, but He took no offense. The crowds searched Him out not for the truth He spoke, but for the miracles He performed. His own disciples followed Him not out of love but from a desire for a position of greatness in the earthly kingdom He would surely establish. This Man experienced the vast array of pain and abuse that every human being experiences in their lifetime, yet He remained unmoved and unoffended. He should have been the most broken human being that walked the earth. Instead, He was the most whole, the most joyful, the most free...because He was the most in love.

His Father was the garden of His delight, and He was the delight of His Father's eyes. In perfect communion, they walked together in the cool of the day. The Son received instruction from His Father and only moved when He felt the Father moved. He was totally dependent on the Holy Spirit for direction, instruction, and power, never performing anything of His own accord, giving us a faithful example of what it looks like to be a son and a bride. During key moments throughout the journey, His Father would become so ravished with His Son's unwavering gaze, Love would pour forth over the balconies of heaven for all to hear!!!

Thus the secret to overcoming this life lies not in study, or in gritting and bearing a cross too heavy to carry. It lies not in our schooling or our many paper certificates declaring our deep knowledge of Theology. It lies not in being either rich or poor in the things of this life. It lies not in climbing the ranks of social status and fame. It's not in who we know in this world but to whom we belong. It lies in abiding in a Vine not rooted in this earth, but in another age, place, and time. It lies in allowing our hearts to become fascinated with the Way we were meant to journey, the Truth we were meant to know, and the Life we were meant to live. It is imperative that we become well-aquainted with the ways of our new Home, our new country, our new citizenship. To set our affections and hope upon the enduring realities of eternity and withdraw our affections from the shifting sands and fading fancies of this present evil age.